TMZ Strikes a Star

As I sit at my laptop in my room at Hotel Bel Air sipping on rose after recording a new podcast for Intimate Knowledge, I am really just feeling myself.

Like.  Pinch me.  For real.

 

“What?! Who?! Wait, WHERE??? But WHOOOO?” I internally – and also somewhat verbally – exclaim to the reporter who’s exhibiting a carpe-diem-swagger as we come face to face.  Ever the astute fan – and since I am so adept at sussing out anything relating to pop culture – my clever eyes immediately hone in on the emblem on her sweatshirt: all this as the woman with the video camera and the exceptionally bright flash bulb beam straight into my line of sight.  Despite this challenge I instinctually know to adjust my vision directly to the less-than-fastidiously monogrammed application of the white letters “TMZ” to the black Wal-Mart hoodie… worth $19.90 on a full price day.

And let me be clear: Never have I seen such a glorious sight.

“Meghan! I am looking for YOU!” TMZ reporter girl says.

You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.

I manically scan the perimeter for the minuscule chance I might actually see a real Hollywood celebrity as I slowly turn my head with the realization that this poor sick world actually thinks I’m the celebrity to celebrate.

With less than 3.7 slow-mo battings of my lashes my dampened spirits rise to new egotistical heights as I begin to devour the intensity of this moment: TMZ wants to talk to ME!

“It’s cool.  I’m cool.  I got this.  I’ve done this before,” I think to myself.  (I haven’t.)

I give an interview that is entirely way too long on the most esoteric pop-culture subjects.  <Sidenote of note:  I’m all of a sudden super glad my best girlfriend has updated me on the status of Meghan and Harry so I can be all pop-knowledgeable in all the polarizing ways ‘n stuff.>

7 minutes later I am 98% positive I have worn out my welcome with TMZ. (But in my defense I was waiting on my valet to arrive… when my car was literally parked on the street in front of me (by Valet) the entire time.  Was this because I was reveling in my TMZ bombardment or because I literally had zero clue what my rental car looked like?  Truly, we may never know the real subconscious reason.)

Just to really make sure my welcome is entirely exhausted, the TMZ reporter actually wraps up the interview, turns off the flashbulb, and retires for the evening followed with a long bubble bath of essential oils to process her sickening fruition that she has relegated her self-worth to people of my celebrity caliber: this is the thought she experiences as she opens a well-worn copy of “Pride and Prejudice” to wind down.  I know what you’re thinking but c’mon, stop stereotyping!  Just because she went to an extremely respectful Journalism School and  just had to sell her soul to interview a vapid nobody -me – (who was awkwardly exuberant) it just really accentuates everything that’s wrong in this world.  P.S. There were no creative liberties taken by me regarding this paragraph whatsoever… but also please don’t ask for my bibliography.  Thanks.)

I digress.

Alone again without that radiant flashbulb shining with such entitled magnificence in my wounded eyeballs, I finally look at the Valet guys who are solidly in their mid-20’s.  With what I believe to be an expectant twinkle in their star-struck eyes they then so non-romantically ask me, “Did you really date an athlete? Who was it?”

Screw you.

“Yeah, where’s my car?  Is the transmission messed up?  I don’t really feel safe in it… it’s a rental… but I’m not saying I’m better than a rental (**BUT I REALLY AM**)…”

“Uhhh, ma’am, (MA’AM!  When did I turn 73?!) I don’t know I just drive valet cars.”

Note: So now I know that valet drivers are not in my dating demographic.  That was one way to find out what I already expected, but to everyone reading this who has ever related to me, now you also know not to pursue valet people.  It’s a learning process…

Ok sorry this is boring… fast-forwarding…

I get in my car and call my mom in Missouri, “Mom!  Oh my God!  I made it!”

“Huh?”

“MOM!  Just listen!  I was at a hip HOLLYWOOD restaurant at a meeting with my AGENT and when I went to leave TMZ BOMBARDED ME!!”

-Moment of silence to let this sink in.-

“That’s great, honey.” says Mom.

“Yeah no kidding, Mom!  I think this means I’ve made it!  Let me recap, I am starstruck in Hollywood because TMZ WANTS TO EXPLOIT ME!”

I’ve never been so flattered by exploitation in my life!

And this, my friends, is the raw truth of a new-age “celebrity” brought to you in the most self-deprecating form.

(And TMZ, let’s totally do this again.  I’ll be exceedingly cool about it just like I was this time…. “Don’ttttt leavee…. waitttt where are you goinggggg… come back!!!!!!!!!!”)

 

25 Comments
  1. Meghan you need help. If TMZ interviewed you of all people it had to be a slow night in Hollywood and you were all they could get hence they let you drone on for seven minutes. You are a legend in your own mind. Why can’t you just move forward privately like Jimmy is and live your life. He and his new girlfriend you thought was Carly are living it up in Cabo while you are begging for attention from anyone and everyone. Didn’t you get enough love from your parents? They seem like lovely people. I’d like to know more about your relationship with your father. I think that has a lot to do with your issues with men.

    1. You are right, Meghan you’re babbling, I bet Jim doesn’t miss all your manufactured drama, your post on last years Christmas photos shows how desperate you are to show perfection but you just cause unnecessary chaos instead!

  2. Ashley, why do you care so much? The world is full of hate and judgment, just let people be who they want to be. Did it make you feel better writing this? If anyone needs help it’s you.

  3. Love your humor. I’m so glad you seem happy. I know the single mom thing is tough. I was raised in the 70’s by mine. Stay strong. You are an amazing Momma 🎊

  4. Wow people are so judgmental. I thoroughly enjoyed your blog. I enjoy all of them. You are a very descriptive and eloquent writer. Your kids are beautiful and you are an amazing mom! So happy for you that you are trying to live your best life! Wishing you continued happiness and success in life and your future endeavors. You are ambitious and I am certain there will be many more TMZ moments as well! 🥰

  5. Haha! Great entry. After everything you’ve been through, bask in this time. Life is hard and then there are nights like this to keep us going. Good luck ❤️❤️❤️

  6. Meghan…I’ve been following your story and I am BLOWN away by u and how you are handling all that life has thrown at you. SO smart. SO dedicated to your children. SO classy. WAY TO FREAKIN GO.
    Great article above!!!!

  7. If you can’t understand her humor and even more – WOW- that you can’t understand the “big $5 words she uses!” (That was a comment on insta) then you should unfollow her! She’s always been self deprecating and always been eloquent with her words and SMART!! Why should she dumb herself down for y’all??? For social media? She is 100% being HERSELF. Leave her the hell alone!

    Btw Ashley you are the one who needs help! Jim is ugly AF And a giant walking talking asshole. Nobody cares who he is with in Cabo. He’s wandering around desperately seeking anyone else young enough to fall for his creepy ass because he’s freaking out about never catching the eye of a young, beautiful smart woman ever again. Nobody cares about him. I imagine Meghan doesn’t either! She knows she deserves better and she will find it. She’s clearly focused on her life and kids not about finding the next guy.

  8. I normally love you. I’m also from STL (what high school did you go to?), but this was not endearing, funny or cute. This is the least likeable thing ever, honestly.

  9. Awww, Meg you are the cutest! I loved you from the first time I saw you on TV. I’ve grown to appreciate the woman and mother that you are. Embrace the start that you are!

  10. I saw Jimmy in Cabo throwing a baseball around with his friends on the beach. , He is a lot shorter than I thought , he looked happy and relaxed though..

  11. Man, there are some haters here huh? I thought this was a hilarious read. What I saw was a woman who has been half in on fame with a stint on a Bravo show and married to some (now) jerk-off athlete who was excited to be recognized for just being her. I think you’re great, so don’t let these bitches get you down. This is, after all, YOUR BLOG. They can go read Pioneer Woman if they don’t like you. 🙂

  12. You my dear are much better then him. He will be old and you will still be young!! Guck him and don’t loose a minute sleep over the old man. You deserve better!

  13. Seriously people in here judging her have no idea what they just read or the tone. They need to get over themselves and move on .

  14. Dear Megan,
    I cant imagine how difficult life is trying to keep things balanced for three little ones. I’ve never commented on this type of media before so pleas eforgive me if you’re already using sign language with your little boy. It would ease your and his frustration.
    Blessings
    Lorri

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