Diary Of A Single Mom In Quarantine… & It’s Not Pretty.

***WARNING: The following blog post was written by an exhausted mother of three who has been locked in her home for the past nine weeks.***

This essay is basically my brain exploding on paper.  Do not read if you’re looking for parenting advice or a glimmer of hope. Let’s begin.

Stay-At-Home.

At first these words were synonymous with family time, relaxation, catching up, Zoom happy hours, sweatpants, in-home workouts, and binge-watching.  Now they are synonymous with HOUSE ARREST.  And not the cute, tongue-in-cheek Lindsay Lohan kind, but the lonely, soul-sucking, get-me-out-of-here-I’m-going-crazy kind.
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What’s that you said? Oh… you’re doing fine? As a matter of fact, you’re actually enjoying this time? Really making the best of it… is that right? Exploring new hobbies? [Insert smoke-coming-out-of-nostrils emoji.]  I’m gonna be direct: if you’re one of these people, I can’t talk to you right now. We are no longer friends: my brain will either explode with envy or shrivel from misdirected frustration into a disgusting remnant of discarded week-old food (need a visual? Just look in any highchair, I have several).
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Let me lay this out for you. I have three kids: ages 3 1/2 , 23 months, and 23 months.  For many of you, this might be ‘nuff said— but for those who don’t get it, let me elaborate:

“QUIET” TIME

I forgot what silence sounds like.  My kids scream non-stop.  They can’t verbally communicate well, even though cognitively they know what they want.  And my house doesn’t have carpet—so there is nothing to muffle the sounds as they reverberate off every wall.  There is nowhere to hide from the constant screaming.  Not even the bathroom is safe.  Try to pee in silence, let alone listen to yourself think…never mind, don’t waste your precious energy.
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Let me be clear, I love my home.  It’s new, beautiful and spacious.  I am lucky to live here and to have a small enclosed patio.  But like many American urbanites, I don’t have a yard. There is no enclosed, outdoor space for my kids to run and play and burn off some of that toddler energy.  And I’m going crazy.  So yes, I am incredibly fortunate… but I’m still going nuts.  Because I’m still a mom: a working mom.  I’m going through a divorce: a messy, public divorce.  And I have three small children: one of whom has a disability.  This is my personal experience and, well, it’s really hard.


PVL

As many of you know, one of my twins has PVL.  PVL is a brain injury diagnosis that is often a precursor to a Cerebral Palsy.  Everyone is different, but for Hart, PVL mainly affects his motor skills (he struggles with balance); his proprioception (he struggles to know where his body is in space, causing him to trip and fall often—so next time you see a scratch on his face, please refer to this sentence as explanation); his language (his tongue has difficulty making the proper movements to communicate the words his brain already knows); and his attitude (he screams out of frustration very, very often and also hits and bites).  To address these issues, Hart participates in speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy several times per week.  But for me to try to takeover these therapies at home as a single-parent – it’s impossible.  Between trying to get my own work completed and fighting for Hart’s focus (while also keeping the other two kids occupied), it just doesn’t happen.  Therefore…
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I feel guilty. All the time.
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Around February, before the stay-at-home order went into effect, I’d already noticed that Hart had plateaued in therapy—and nothing the therapists or I did seemed to help him progress to the next step.  It was the first time I’d experienced a therapeutic plateau, and I felt very alone.  Even special needs mamas don’t talk about these plateaus… so I was completely blindsided by this demoralizing development.
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But that demoralization was months ago.  February.  Now we are in May.  And Hart has regressed.
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That’s right, Hart’s current status is below the level of that depressing plateau I just told you about.  His balance is much worse than it was at the end of 2019.
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And I feel terrible for not being able to devote more time to him.  So to make myself feel better, I’ll list my quarantine excuses here:
  • I work full time. (Maybe I should change this to “I worked once upon a time.”)  I have a podcast, I’m working on two big secret projects, I produce advertisements, I write this blog, I straddle residences 1,800 miles apart, and I’m a full time mom.

 

  • I have a live-in nanny.  Sounds amazing, right?  Yep, it is. And she is a God-send. But it doesn’t free up as much time as you think (or as I wish).  Aspen isn’t in school right now and she is a HANDFUL.  Picture a heightened version of my extraordinary energy, then miniaturize it to an illogical and frustrated toddler.  Keep in mind I have a plethora of opinions, and I seem to have passed this trait onto Aspen, whose top debates topics include why she should be able to wear an Elsa dresses on her bike, eat copious amounts of candy, or boss her brothers into doing ridiculously dangerous activities, like jumping off chairs.

 

  • I’m worn out.  In addition to the mental toll this crazy time has taken on all of us moms, the anxiety is taking a toll on my physical health.  When I feel witchy enough to leave all three kids with my nanny to go on a run outside, I get worn out because I’m not used to that exertion.

BEDTIME

Aspen sleeps in my bed.  Don’t judge me yet…I’ll give you that opportunity in a second.  I thought I was okay in justifying this concession by being empathetic for her basic toddler needs of extra comfort + security after her dad and I separated.  Well that’s the altruistic excuse.  Here’s the logical one: I have three bedrooms in my LA rental.  The nanny takes one, the twins take another, and I take the third one… with Aspen.  Prior to this bed-sharing situation, I had her sleeping in my walk-in closet, but inevitably I granted the permanent transition to co-sleeping..  It’s now been six months.  (Please, thoughtfully use this moment to judge me before continuing on. Good job! Feels good to get that haughty judgement out, doesn’t it?  )  Anyhoo, I have no personal space.  The kids are all up in my grill during their waking hours, and after they all go down to sleep (between 6-7pm – that’s right! It’s still daylight hours! Have I redeemed myself? No? Whatever…)  I still can’t claim my bedroom sanctuary for myself.

WORK

I can barely work. Once, I tried to record my podcast from home, and I couldn’t complete it… not only because I couldn’t be honest and transparent about talking about sex/sexy things IN FRONT OF my three toddlers (imagine that?!), but also because they are so LOUD it becomes impossible. I’ve tried locking my bedroom door but they scream, bang, and the echo chamber home in which I live wins the round yet again.  As Murphy’s Law would dictate, my WiFi is terrible in my bedroom, so I end up having to record my podcast over cellular data with a delayed feed – not ideal for establishing a conversational flow that’s so essential in podcasting.  Thankfully, I have a girlfriend who quarantined at her second home, and graciously allowed me to take several hours refuge in her empty home for recording purposes.
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Emails? Deadlines? Forget about it. Emails and deadlines are hard to do on a normal day, but add in house-arrest with three toddlers, and enter the twilight zone of career purgatory.  As I write this actual sentence I have AirPods in my ears with Ed Sheeran blasting his innocent, provocative lyrics but my kids are actually SCREAMING over the top volume my AirPods can muster.  The instinctual mother in me is activated as my right thumb goes numb (residual herniated disc trauma triggered by the stress of a screaming child, I kid you not) and I try to logically tell my brain that many mothers work and this is A-OK.  And I’m right! But someone try telling that to my now completely numb right thumb.  Great, now I’m gonna have to do a release.  The nerve paralysis is now traveling up my thumb to my elbow.  This is happening in real time, people. I’ll continue to type with a numb thumb and elbow, Andy Grammer in my ear, and my spawn screaming outside my door.  This moment could be useful for some inspired piece of literature at another time, but for now I’m simply going insane. .. Someone pour me a drink for the love of god. This is not a drill!

*** I warned you several hundred words ago that this wasn’t gonna be pretty.  I went into diatribes about esoteric and unrelated personal woes.

Oh well.  Quarantine is weird.  Our experiences are weird.  But I guess what I’m trying to say is I think we all need a space to let it all go – and not just the trauma we’ve collected over the last two months, but we need to process all of the manure confronting us every day.  Without quarantine we can hide from our nagging insecurities, but during this time we’ve been forced to really look into that ugly mirror and see all the parts of ourselves and finally DEAL with it.  I mean, I just gave you a close-up view of my “ugly.”  Yours is different.  Maybe uglier, maybe not.  But it doesn’t matter because it’s not a contest.  All we can do is use this time to let our ugly out.
154 Comments
  1. I applaud all of this even if you call it ugly, it’s mothering and navigating . Thank you for sharing, because I feel a little better about questioning my own sanity daily. I am a stay at home mom to 3 boys who are finally getting over the hump of constant parenting. Youngest is 4, 6- autistic with very bad anxiety and my 14 yr. old is a god send! I’m in awe every day for how well they handle all of this and It pushes me to just be better. Hang in there! Your doing great even if it doesn’t feel that way. Sending mom love your way from my crazy house to yours😘😘

  2. God bless you and your beautiful three kiddos! You are doing the best you can! It’s hard and as a good mommy the guilt feeling is always kind of knocking but take it one day at a time, be sure to them you are the best mommy, I have actually enjoyed this quarantine in the sense that it sucks the virus is what made it happened and I wish it would exist but now am so happy to be home 24/7 w my child and enjoy her to the fullest we were living in such a busy world before than having to be stuck at home it isn’t as bad I feel like it’s a blessing from God. It’s hard not even for me but for her I will take her different places every day and now she is stuck at home but we should take these as lessons to enjoy and cherish more the life we have been given. Regardless you do have way too much in ur plate so I pray for you and ur kids and you are doing amazing I am sure you will pull thru even though I don’t know u I am sure you are a strong and amazing mama

  3. I feel for you, I do. however you are not the only parent that has three children who is a single mom. You are fortunate enough to have a nanny which most common people cannot even afford. you say that you don’t have time to commit to your son’s disability but you’re all the time on Instagram making tik tok’s or you’re always posting deals that you find it’s like your shopping shopping shopping and not really focusing on his disability as much as maybe yes you should be like you said. I understand that you have to work that’s not what I’m saying but you have two homes you have a mega rich as husband who pays your child support and probably you’re getting a settlement and all the things so it’s not like you have to work at this time. Maybe your stuff should be put on hold so you can focus more on your children and I have to rely on a nanny to raise them.

    1. great job, Karen. you literally missed the entire point of this blog. take your judgey self somewhere else.

    2. Meghan. You are doing a super job and you ARE a super mom. Thank you for writing this for all of us overwhelmed moms during this time.

      And BTW Teresa…hate much? If you have nothing nice to say to this woman who’s going thru A LOT then don’t say anything at all.

    3. Wow! You didn’t listen to anything she said!!! Shame on you!!! Take a few minutes and ask yourself why was it so important for you to say what you did. You could of just rolled your eyes and moved on! But you felt some sort of entitlement to spew negativity. I pray for you because your so unhappy with your life.

    4. Right?!!!
      And her job to create podcasts and advertisements and tik toks sounds a Lot easier then a front line worker Going into work everyday terrified that they are going to contract corona or take it home to their families..
      How bout a little perspective, Meghan

  4. Week old food in high chair!!! The struggle is sooo real! Two kids 3 and under here 🙋🏼‍♀️! Luckily for me, I I like my husband and he gets home at 3 everyday so it helps so much. We also don’t have a yard 😑. I loved your honest blog! I don’t know how you’re doing it because I don’t even know how I’m doing i and you’re definitely stacked with challenges! But I’m with ya, the non guilt is unreal! It’s so bad! Our kids know we love them (that’s what I tell myself…it doesn’t really help though😂😑🤷🏼‍♀️. My patience that I used to have is gone now too which makes me feel terrible too.
    I teach kindergarten so I have always had mom guilt for working! Now I’m at home online teaching 22 kindergartners in poverty stricken neighborhoods online and I still feel so guilty. It’s a mess! It’s all a mess! Good luck, mama! ❤️ I live in Denver now but originally from STL!

  5. You are doing an amazing job despite what’s happening around us right now and feel free to breakdown when need be it’s hard dam hard and unless someone lives it they don’t know or should have any judgement !

  6. I think you are an amazing mom to those children. You can be very proud of yourself. I hope this lockdown is over soon ( im from Finland, but we have the same situation over here) best wishes and lota of love! P.s
    My children are 6 and 9 and they still sleep with me almost every might 😅

  7. You have handled this quarantine with style and grace; no one can walk a mile in your shoes and from my grandmother observation, you need to cut yourself some slack; I know plenty of mothers out there with land for the children to run in while isolated and they are not handling their children or life as well as you have!! If you can squeeze some time for yourself don’t feel guilty; it is deserved!! Love to you and your three precious children from Lethbridge, Alberta Canada ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  8. Hang in there Meghan! I’m sure you’re tired of hearing that phrase but as a mom, I think most of us are just built to take it. And take it we do! Some harder than others! You have 3 beautiful kids and they love you! But, children are terrorists!! Lol! God knows you love them with your whole being, they are your light, your life, your reason for everything! I can honestly say I would do anything for my kids, ANYTHING! But they are little terrorists! They will grow out of most of it and when they have their own kids, they will understand and you as a fabulous Grandma by that time can laugh, kiss them goodbye and take off in your cute little convertible!! So hang in there Meghan, YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!!

  9. Fantastic post! I like you. ❤️
    It looks to me that you have had one major hiccup in your life up to now: partner selection. 😬🤔Noooo likey that guy. 👎🏼
    But you’re moving forward, onward, with three wonderful children-and I think you’re doing a wonderful job. I love your honesty and I really like who you are.
    Your kids are very lucky kids. 😘🙌🏼🌟

  10. I feel you, my husband is still working.. like physically going into work and I am teaching 30 3rd graders remotely while I battle a 3 year old with speech/language delays and a 1 year old. I am sometime in tears over the stress of it all or the guilt of not being able to give my kids the attention they want or need from me. My house is constantly a mess and I literally cannot keep up. Thank you for sharing we are definitely not alone!

  11. You are an amazing voice of what alot of us feel but don’t verbalize because we don’t want the judgement! Hang in there Momma! You got tbis! XO!

  12. I think you are doing great! Don’t listen to those that want to judge you. Your pain is your pain. We all have different lives to live. You are doing the best you can. Be kind to yourself.

  13. You summed it all up perfectly. Just today, I said I feel like my entire day consists of cook, do dishes, clean up a mess from my 2 year old and 10 year old, repeat. By the end of the day, I feel like I have accomplished nothing and am exhausted. Binge watching? Yeah right! I have watched less tv now than before! Completed projects? Hell no! My to do list is longer than ever!

    I have to believe and trust that if my boys are happy and healthy at the end of the day, that that is enough, but man it is not easy and most days I cry at least once out of sadness, frustration, anxiety, and boredom.

    Hang in there and thanks for sharing.

  14. I feel you Meghan, even though my kids are older, the frustration is still there! I have a son in college who we made come home to quarantine, but after being home almost 2 weeks couldn’t wait to go back to his apartment at school. It is a horrible feeling when your son feels he would rather be somewhere else rather than at home with us.
    I am an essential worker, I work every day, I have a daughter who is home because of COVID19. My daughter is in her 20’s, and barely helps at home. Things are left in the same place they were when I left at 8am!!! Doesn’t it bother her like it bothers me?!?! Please cherish your little ones, I know it is so hard right now, but it goes so fast.
    Your doing a great job, hang in there!!

  15. Love your brutal honesty! As a mom of two young boys with special needs that have not been able to get the proper therapies they need. Regression is an understatement in my household. I feel your pain. It is heartbreaking to watch and you feel completely helpless. Prayers this and soon and we can get our kiddos back on track.

  16. I’m not a mom, but I did grow up with a single mother who also worked full time. So my hats off to you and keep doing the best you can! You are hilarious, beautiful and brilliant! 💗💕

  17. Well said Meghan!! Brave post! Stay positive gf, it will get better. You seem like a sweetheart! Take Care!

    PS: you are a great mom! Maybe you needed to hear that!

  18. You’re brilliant. This is brilliant- raw, honest, and real. Hang-in there Mama – your sisters are rooting for you. And toasting you. Cheering for you. Run Forrest Run!

    And mostly, we thank you. For the validation, collaboration and humility. ♥️

  19. I feel for you. I really don’t know what I would do if I were in your position. But I hear you and you maybe not right now but eventually will be ok. You are a great mother and you are doing a great job. Give yourself an inside applause because you are getting some work done. Maybe not by the deadline but it eventually will get finished. 💕💕💕

  20. Meghan, I appreciate what you’re going through, but no one told you to rent a 3 bedroom house that has no backyard or carpeting.

  21. Hi Meghan!!
    My youngest has been sleeping in our bed since she was a couple of months old. She will be 6 in a few weeks! Omg…. writing this I can’t even believe it myself. I have tried everything… even slept with her in her bed for 6 months. Nothing works and she always ends up with us. I gave up last year! I joke that she will be sleeping with us when she’s a teen (God I hope not!)
    Anyhoo, I bet just writing that blog released a lot of stress for you. Keep your head up! YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB AS A MOM!! 🥰

  22. I usually don’t comment or respond to posts but I wanted to say thank you as your blog resonated with me. Thank you for your honesty! Every word you wrote I related to. I also have three children including a daughter (7) and identical twin boys (4) . One of my sons also has some developmental delays and significant anxiety. I also work full time and my husband is helpful but ultimately the kids all flock to me – all the time. Most nights my daughter sleeps with me as well (long story) and I feel you when you say they are all up in your grill all day. I miss solitude. These last couple months have been hard and I so appreciate you being honest about that. That doesn’t make us bad moms that makes us human (and quite frankly anyone who judges can go f$&k themselves – you try it!). Thank you and sending love. Hang in there. You’re doing great.

  23. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stop beating yourself up. Every way you turn is real deal stress factors and I hope you find some semblance of peace—if that’s too lofty then to use your time when the kids are sleeping for your time. Sometimes when we have so many balls in the air it actually serves us bc one being very busy doesn’t have to feel their feelings which is paramount for releasing that stress. Take a pillow over your head and scream or a whiffle bat and beat the shit out of the bed. Anyone in your shoes with the stress factors you have would be non functional. Stay safe and be well

  24. Meghan, you are way too hard on yourself, although as moms, we tend to judge ourselves the harshest. After reading your blog, I don’t think there is any room for judgment or even an opinion to insert. You’re not able to do your normal routine, and anyone with kids know, that a regular routine is the key, to a day that has run smoothly. Kids (and parents) need that regimented structure. It keeps us all on track and makes the day flow better. Now take all that, and throw it up in the air. Let the pieces fall where they may, and now that’s what you have to work with. You have a lot on your plate, regardless if you have a live-in nanny or not! That just means you can take a shower and not worry that your kids won’t figure out how to unlock the doors and escape! A nanny does not magically make children behave, be happy, not whine or have tantrums, be safe or eat what you’ve made them, on sometimes limited fridge options. So for those people who think you’ve got it easy with a nanny, a wealthy ex or having 2 homes, is just plain ignorant. I see a loving, creative and hardworking mom of 3 small kids, that is doing the best job, under almost impossible conditions. You are honest and transparent with your life, and you offer humor and grace when the rest of us would just curl up in the fetal position and cry ourselves to sleep! Keep waking up every morning with renewed energy and hope, that today will be better than the day before. Possibly consider making ‘a plan for the week’ ….. picture yourself a preschool teacher that must create a weekly planner for their classroom. (I worked in a preschool when I was young and I tried to apply what I learned there to raising my own son & step daughter) Work with 1/2 hour increments, because small kids lose interest quickly. Have scheduled times for arts & crafts, learning time = working on numbers, colors, shapes and words, storytime, some form of exercise, (literally easy stuff, like jumping jacks or silly little dances) anything that burns energy, lunch time – same time everyday, followed with naptime or “resting time” if Aspen is no longer napping. You’d be really surprised, how a $2 can of shaving cream on a safe surface, keeps a kid’s interest! It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate, by any means. I think you and your kids would benefit from having structured days that are fairly consistent from week to week. You could always throw in a last minute ‘field trip’ to add a little spontaneity to an otherwise average day. So, in place of judgment, or critique, I’ll just offer unsolicited advice. Lol! Lot’s of virtual hugs and love, sent your way, from one STL mom to the other. The mom struggle is REAL!!!

  25. You are doing a great job. I admire your honesty. And I have my moments and I only have one, a 1yr old. Bless ur heart but hoping it gets better.

  26. Damn Meghan I feel for you and it makes me so so so mad that your jerk of an ex now relaxes in his big new house (probably with a yard) with his new gf and posts pics of freakin JUICES while you are going through this absolute nightmare. Like doesn’t he care at all?? Maybe the show „revenge“ is a good idea now?? I really hope that you will somehow make him pay for this. Not even the cheating, but leaving you alone during this time.

    I admire how responsible and loving you are. Dont feel bad about Hart – you are doing as much as you can. Its beyond human capacity to do more. He will catch up once lockdown is over.

    Re you physical and mental health- it’s obvious that your kids only have you and not their dad. You have to stay healthy and alive for them. Noone else will ever take care of them. So even if it means another hour of screen time – take it and use it to stay sane and healthy

    Xxx
    O

  27. Omg !! I don’t have a 10th of all that and I’m soooo stressed out and want to scream. I don’t know how you do it. I think you need to leave the house to work. You need two nannies (tell your ex that ..such an asshole). And you need to go to a
    Small office somewhere or a friends empty house or wherever you can get WiFi and do your work. You can’t do it in the house. And for sanity you need to get the F out of the house for at least 4 hours a day !! You will feel better when you come home . Nobody could do this on their own like you do. But just think even do you were married to that loser it would be the same. You would be doing it all in your own anyway. He would be no help. I know we have to social distance but you also need to socialize. Go out. Meet some friends. Sit on lawn chairs 6ft apart in someone’s backyard. You deserve it and you are doing nothing wrong at all. You are amazing !!! Jules

  28. Meghan,

    During quarantine I needed a show to binge watch and since I live in SoCal I decided to start with RHOC I started with the season right before you showed up. I am now up to the point where you are about to find out you are pregnant.

    I am a mother of four. I had the first three with a man with addiction issues and who was/is a classic narcissist. Our first baby was IVF and then we had two more…. and then, when I couldn’t take his addictions and verbal abuse any more, I filed for divorce when our youngest was just six weeks old. I had a six week old, an almost two year old and a 3 year old and it was INSANE. I finally had to move back in with my parents to get the emotional and physical help I needed to raise them.

    When I watched the shows with you and your ex I was brought back to my time being married to a narcissist. The condescending remarks, the selfishness, all of it. Girl, he is a damaged soul and YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE.

    I am now married to an amazing, kind, selfless man. We had a baby together and with his support I went back to law school and am now a married mama of four and an attorney.

    What I am trying to tell you is that the insanity you are experiencing now will end. One day you will be remarried, and maybe even raising a fourth baby with a man who loves you and his kids in a way that a narcissist never could.

    So stay strong and know that this too shall pass. And my ex is an unemployed loser… be happy that at least you do get some child support. A lot of us don’t.

    Stay strong. It will be better and just THANK GOD that you were able to shake your narcissist ex. Some women live under the shadow of that kind of man forever. YOU ARE FREE. Girlfriend…. you are FREE.

  29. Love this. You’re doing your best. I’m one person barely making it mentally during this time. Love yourself and your bravery and commitment. Negative feedback isn’t about you. It’s about the person giving it. ❤️

  30. Fuck yeah!!!! You did, let that shit out. I sure hope it felt some what better to roll all of that off your chest. I am not a mother so I’ve tried to imagine what that feels like and I am petrified. So I tip my hat to you and wish you all the best. Take a night or two off cause you’ll need the next day to recover since I recommend guzzling a great bottle of wine.

    XOXO

  31. Meghan,
    YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION FOR ANY MOM!!! You were honest, strong and SUPER brave to put that out there. I am praying for you, rooting for you (make that D;$& Head PAY FOR WHAT HE’S DONE, AND DOING-NOTHING! ) and have nothing but love and praise for you. I certainly don’t know that I would be strong enough to make it. I have my adult children back home after being empty nesters for 3 years and WOW-it’s an adjustment FOR REAL! I’m so glad you put your heart and feelings into this blog. NO ONE has the right to judge you. You are an awesome, amazing, loving Mom and I send you all the love and light in the world ❣️

  32. I’m in quarantine with three under 5 and a husband who is working from home. I felt every bit of this. I’m not going through an ugly, public divorce (possibly on the verge of one – not public) and none of my kids have disabilities (a congenital heart defect though). THANK YOU for sharing because I needed to read this. It’s hard and we’re all in this together (although stay at least 6 feet away because you know, coronavirus and all). I don’t know how you do it, but you’re doing it. Cheers mama!

  33. Meghan …. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give yourself some grace and go easy on yourself. The most Important thing kids need at the end of the day is to know they are loved and safe. They have that with you mama! Xo

  34. Wow! You didn’t listen to anything she said!!! Shame on you!!! Take a few minutes and ask yourself why was it so important for you to say what you did. You could of just rolled your eyes and moved on! But you felt some sort of entitlement to spew negativity. I pray for you because your so unhappy with your life.

  35. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. These are unknown times and all of are having a difficult time trying to figure things out.
    Big hugs to you!!

  36. Meghan you are doing the best you can. Don’t be so hard on yourself!!! I wish I could come and help you. lol. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy. I long for grandchildren ( that I’ll probably never have) so heaven sounds like a fun day with Aspen! Too bad I’m on the East coast!! I’ll keep you and your beautiful babies in my prayers!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💕💕

  37. I can relate to your struggles! I feel for you mamma. Mine are raised now. I can tell you this, looking back, these are the days you will be proudest of. Because you DID it!! Life is hard, but it’s the hardest when your heart has been broken and I can only imagine how it feels to throw quarantining into the mix, it has to be downright all the things. Scary, old, frustrating and very lonely. Just know you are doing a wonderful job. Try not to think about the future. Worry about today. You can do today! Oh, and many years from now you will know how strong you are by remembering these exact moments!💗

  38. You’re doing a wonderful job, mama! I only have one and it’s nuts. I can’t imagine how you’re handling three! Oh, and my three year old has been sleeping in my bed with me since LAST SUMMER so no judgement. I just tell myself that she’ll only be willing to sleep in the same bed with me for so long and try to appreciate it the best I can. ❤️

  39. Ollie I was thinking the same thing. Also, he has chartered private planes but apparently he doesn’t want to co-parent! I think you are doing great Meghan!

  40. Wow, I think you are a great, fantastic & caring living mother. I cannot even imagine living one of your days/nights. You deserve an awesome vacation when you are freed from jail…BTw, I have saved in my email your first little blog called “Me”. I read it periodically. Stay safe

  41. Meghan,
    You’re doing an amazing job! None of that I judged because we’re all fighting a battle, whether it be more so since the virus started or so much more before-we’re all in this together. I’m going through a divorce where I literally left my better paying job and moved back home with my two kids. My daughter has a couple of diagnosis where she is non-verbal and needs more care than most. I’m lucky to still remain working through all this but to say it’s been a transition working from home and being teacher would be such an understatement. I admire your complete honesty and bravery with this post, there’s no sugar coating and that’s what makes it so relatable. As a parent we do the best we can, that’s all we can do and that’s always enough.

  42. Going through all you are personally and with Hart would be hard enough but throw in quarantine and well…your need to get it all out today is certainly understandable. I’ve been where you are with the loud kids and it is beyond, just beyond. My youngest has Asperger’s and ADHD and did a ton of therapies when younger – even going consistently he had regressions and plateaus. You already recognize the work ahead and it’s okay. You will continue to get him through it as you can. I do hope you’re able to get him back to therapy soon so you can separate that time for his work and for your sanity. You are blessed to have a nanny who can help w the kiddos…don’t feel guilty about it, an extra set of hands is the only way you’ve been able to keep up with even a 1/4 of all that is on your plate. I admire your honesty and strength in posting your truth. Take care of you…loud music and a cocktail behind a locked door have definitely been earned!

  43. Hang in there! I haven’t seen my Grandbabies in 2 months! Ages 1&2 year old boys. We don’t FaceTime anymore cause they would cry when I’d say I couldn’t come see them and play. So it’s been a really depressing time for me. They are little and don’t understand and I’m afraid they are going to forget who I am. So hang in there-love on those babies. You are a good mom. 💗💙💙

  44. You are absolutely right about everything you said. I admire your honesty. Being a mom sucks sometimes and you’re in a difficult situation. Sending good thoughts to you & hoping your ex pulls his head out of his ass and figures out how to help you and the kids.

  45. I think everyone has been where you are at one point or another. I think you have not been able to fully process the divorce and the stress from that, hurt, anger, etc. you probably have a lot of stress over your sons disability and guilt that you aren’t doing enough, and guilt that you are not giving enough attention to the others. It is really hard. You first need to give your self a break. I would suggest, with no malice intended that you get the kids on a schedule and routine and do not deviate from it. breakfast at a certain time, play time, activities, snack, play activities, lunch, nap, or quiet time for your daughter. when they get up, play, activities, snack, dinner, bath, books, bed. Make all meals and snack at the table. keep the times for these consistent so they no what to expect and time outs for misbehaving. It will take a week or so, if you stick with it, but I promise that routine and scheduled time will really make a difference and give you a break. Aspen is old enough to have quiet time by herself and the boys should be able to play alone with you just watching. they will cry and tantrum at first but just ignore until they catch on and you can bring a little calm to your world. Please hang in there, I promise it gets better.

  46. I hear you girl. I am at home on furlough. Yes I collect unemployment. But i have to babysit my great niece that is 5 and autistic. She is non- verbal. Some days she is great. Listen to everything I say. Other days I could kill her. She gets into everything. Thing is I never had kids but I babysit Monday thru Friday. My nephew and my great niece live with me.
    You have to do what you have to do for family! Living the dream?😜

  47. Just want to tell you that you’re doing an amazing job, although I’m sure you don’t feel that way whatsoever. I truly respect you being so open and transparent with the public. It’s not easy as a momma to admit you’re struggling, so I respect your honestly and have the utmost respect for your hustle. Keep it up, good things are coming your way! Xo

  48. You’re my hero! You described motherhood brilliantly. I hope your son gets back on track soon and whatever our new normal is will allow you more freedom to dive into your new endeavors. Best of luck to you, Meghan.

  49. I can totally relate to you I contemplated whether or not to comment here or just press the large X on the left side .
    For so many years now I have lived with my past it haunts me people would probably say why are you allowing it still to get to you ? But when you have been physically abused and mentally and there has been so many different woman that your supposed loving husband has slept with you find out about and they even have the audacity to turn up at your family home !!!
    Anyway divorce inevitably happened leaving a heartbroken wife and two young children oh and did I forget to mention he was a very well known football player so I had the press living outside my home my children’s nursery oh and he had disappeared with one of his girlfriends,he fell in love easily and so the nightmare begins 22 years on and the nightmare continues.

  50. House arrest with a live in nanny and you mention on a few occasions how you left them with the nanny ( to go for a run, to record a podcast)
    As a registered nurse that moved her kids into her parents house (600 miles away) because she works in a high risk Intensive care… I wish I could have house arrest!!
    I know it’s not contest.. but it really does sound like you’ve won this one

  51. You’re amazing for sharing … & I’ve told you several times you are a Strong & an amazing Momma!! Hart will get caught back up!!

  52. You are so right. I have more respect for you and your honesty than just about any other person I know. Personally, I think you are a saint! I could not deal with the screaming. I honestly don’t know what I would do but continuous TV might be involved! i would have a paw patrol marathon! or Toy Story on repeat!!! We all have crap we’re dealing with. our lives will get back to at least a new normal. Until then, invest in some fabrics, rugs, textiles and even noise cancelling head phones!!! you are a Rock!! much love from Kentucky!

  53. Wow! I appreciate your honesty and I just know you are doing a much better job with your kids than you think you are. You have had such a rough go of it…don’t be so hard on yourself. One piece of unsolicited advice, choose a kinder partner next time. The last one wasn’t very nice and you can do much better.
    I wish you peace and happiness🇨🇦❤️

  54. Wow. You certainly have a full plate! You are doing a great job. I thought I read Jim wanted them 50% of the time. Is that not happening?

  55. Mommy guilt is the worst! If you don’t feel guilty you aren’t doing motherhood right lol! Please know you are seen and heard, you’re doing an awesome job. Your sweet babies are lucky to have you. Every day during quarantine that they are being fed and their basic needs are being met makes you a rockstar.

  56. Motherhood isn’t meant to be pretty. It’s hard, messy, chaotic, scary and sometimes mind numbingly terrifying. But you are doing a great job. I couldn’t imagine going through these times with small children, let alone one with a handicap. You keep doing what you’re doing. Vent, scream, cry, laugh crazily and then pull yourself up and go forward. We are all imperfect. Doing the best we can. Even when we think we’re screwing it up, our kids know we love them. Stay strong

  57. You’re stronger than you know, you’re a great Mom and think about all the great fodder you’re getting to blog/podcast about! Just keep swimming!

  58. Meghan, I feel for you.
    Everyone has their own experience. I was divorced with two kids, ages 7 and 8 at the time. It was frightening, hard to be alone, loud and quite. Lonely and also good for introspect. But such a crazy thing to navigate.
    It wasn’t supposed to be like this! This isn’t what I wanted for my young children. No woman does.
    Some people have one child and some have four. The devastation is still the same, whether you have money, or not. Whether you have a nanny or not.
    That sour, empty, salty, stinky, shitty, “why did this happen to me” feeling is…get this…NORMAL! Normal for women like us, who have to go through this and STILL try to find a way to move along with the flow of normal life. We don’t get the opportunity to come out of the mental hurt of divorce, prior to tending to the needs of our kids, so yes, it’s draining on all fronts. Its like being hit by a truck and expecting to jump right up, carry on as if nothing just bashed us up. Our wounds can wait, somebody needs a bath, a story read to them, time at the pool, a walk, someone to talk to, breakfast, lunch, and dinner made. A bath and supervision so they don’t fall and drown.
    Laundry has to be done, folded and put away, and school busses to catch or driven to school, then concentrate on work, work work, because the ex-hole won’t pay his fair share of child support, or take them for a weekend because he’s got a new girl he’s trying to impress.
    I can’t imagine doing all this during a ridiculous, mandatory, complete shutdown of the world!
    For the love of God, a simple park open just to take a walk and get some new scenery!
    I love your blogs and your tik-toks are hilarious 😆!!! Screw the bixches who complain about them! I use comedy to relieve stress and sadness and I find it puts my mind in a better place.
    I hope you will continue making them for me, if nobody else🤗.
    I’m much older than you, my kids are now almost 36 and 35, with kids of their own and another one on the way. I haven’t seen them since Christmas due to this virus BS, and I’ve been furloughed from work for two months. I cry a lot, paint, Zoom with family, and talk a lot more to my dog. I’m remarried almost 3 years now and my hubs deals with a mental illness.
    Although he’s working, due to being an essential worker, it’s caused him to get Shingles due to the stress of it all.
    Sunday, we’re going to the beach super early in the morning, and we’re going to walk and hold hands and pretend the world is back to normal. We’re thankful for what we do have.
    Sending love, Megs!

  59. Thank you for your honest post. Any negative replies that mention the nanny or having a rich husband are coming from a place of jealousy. We can’t compare woes & tragedies. Everyone has their own burdens to bear. It doesn’t make it more or less heavy, it just makes it yours.

  60. I have 9 yr old twins, a 15 year old & a new dog, and I’m about to lose it because of the noise. I’m a proofreader, and my office is quiet. My home is not. I love quiet. I have no quiet. Quarantine has not been great for my mental health. Hang in there. It has to get better!

  61. Aww girl ~ bless your soul ~ first off I want to say NEVER apologize to people have zero ability to put themselves in your shoes ~ having a child is sooooo hard with a partner involved let alone 3 toddlers and one has a disability! Block those peeps that don’t allow you to speak your truth ~ if I see your husband ever I will do you a favor and RUN him over. I had 2 toddlers from hell. Their 14 months apart ~ we moved to a new city ~ no family and my husband traveled. When he showed up on Fridays I would pass the babies off and said I’ll call you when I can breath and after a good ole fashion belly cry. So please don’t apologize to the individuals that don’t have high energy toddlers s I would share stories with other Moms and they would look at me inquisitively, and then follow up with a comment “oh wow my child never does things like that”. I felt like a Lone Ranger. One quote that always resonated with me was “you are doing enough”!

    Remember you are enough and you’re doing enough for these little people. We all lose our shit but because you’re isolated you don’t have other moms that are there to banter with ~ move away from the moms that don’t have have crazy kiddos. They’re always judgie ~ find moms that have crazy kiddos they won’t judge you and they can banter with you. You need a few peeps that can totally relate ~

    Here’s a quick story ~ my daughter was not just walking at 9 months she was running and climbing and a hellyon ~ I had to go to Home Depot with both kids to get high door locks because she was able to get out ever door and we had a ton of them.

    She wants to walk (in a parking lot) I told her no ~ you can walk when we’re inside and you have to hold my hand. She went into a stiff body temper tantrum screaming at the top of her lungs ~ I’m just ignoring her because my mom had her masters in child development and told me that this is what has to be done. YIKES ~ so I’m now walking into Home Depot and she’s still doing her thing and just as I’m ready to take her out of the cart and let her walk and hold my hand, this women walks up and starts shaking her finger at me telling me to never go out in public unless I have my child under control.

    Right? WTHell? I had tears rolling down my face and my daughter is now laughing and skipping like nothing happened.

    People are rude ~ unkind and judgmental! Stay clear of those peeps.

    Bless your soul and you’re an educated, beautiful woman & fabulous Momma ~ tell those judgie peeps to find somewhere else to hang their comments!!
    🙏🌺🌸💐

  62. I love you rawness and the truth of being a single mom is open and just as raw .. keep going it only gets better

  63. Your thoughts and feelings are more than validated.
    You are a great mom..you try your best and that’s all you can do..try to carve out alittle more time for therapy with your son and ha e the nanny take the other two in order for you to concentrate with his therapy..Aspen should sleep in a toddler bed as she will expect to keep sleeping with you as she gets older..set up a bed with an else theme in your room but its impo6for her to k ow that she’s safe and your there but she needs her own bed…
    Minutes turn to hours
    Hours turn to days
    Days lead to years
    Everyday will be different..embrace the suck when
    You have to..cry when you need to and laugh just because.

    Your beautiful. Your strong. Your a mom
    You love..Your honest and real

    Your children will forever be indebted to you for all you do and it won’t go unnoticed.

    Happy Friday !

  64. Mom of 4 under5, 1 is autistic. I understand. Sorry I’m not able to write more. Sending you love and hugs.

  65. Hang in there!!
    You’re doing the best you can and that’s all that matters. Take some “me time” and don’t feel guilty about it. It’s easy to stretch yourself too thin as a Mom.
    You’re doing a good job.
    Take care 💗

  66. Cheers to you for your vulnerability! You are doing the BEST you can (which sounds pretty damn amazing given the circumstances), and the fact that you reflect on this and care shows what an amazing mom you are!

  67. Hang in there Meghan; you’ve been dealt a difficult hand. Quarantine is lifting in S Louis, why don’t you bri g them back so their dad can help?

  68. Wow is all I can say. I had no idea and I follow you daily. This is really difficult you’re right. Hopefully you can get back to St. Louis and get some help from your mom and your ex.
    I believe your truths and I don’t think anything you’ve done or haven’t done is not a normal reaction to our difficult situations. If people are honest, they’d all admit they are having a hard time. I don’t have kids at home, just me and my husband and I’m soooo bored. Watching reruns of ER is my latest time kill. I’ve only cleaned a handful of things. Been very lazy.
    I hope your kids sleep all night wo interruption. 6-7:00 for bed is quite impressive. I’m assuming they are eating so that’s another success. Aspen alone would exhaust me so that’s another success. She’s always smiling.
    This too shall pass as my mom would say. It has to get better, right?
    You’re doing as well as you can, don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone will survive.

  69. Good for you let it out!! Quarantine with toddlers is a beast! I’m sure nobody in the same boat as you will judge because we are feeling it too!! Sometimes you need a break and it is ok to not be ok!! Keep plugging along you are doing amazing and maybe you don’t feel you are being the best parent but your kids see you as a superhero!!

  70. Damn girl! Put down the bat & pick up the feather! Stop beating yourself up!
    Your not cooking meth in your trailer!!!
    Really…..they’re loved, fed, cleaned, attended to & no animals were harmed!
    And, anyway, no matter how hard we try, they will probably go on their generations version of Oprah & complain how “rough” they had it!! Mine included, a 27 y/o daughter who had to leave her NYC apt. That we helped pay for, while she bought Gucci & YSL bags, to live at our new beachfront condo for awhile! Fully undated room, iced coffee delivered from me daily, laundry done, meals done — you need a week here for me to take care of you girl!! And my daughter complains “I just want to order a drink & a Charcuterie Board!”
    Don’t be so rough on yourself, they will do it for you in the coming years TRUST & BELIEVE! Xoxo

  71. That’s about as real as it gets. From what I see you are doing a great job. That’s alot of work for a single mama. Kudos to u for loving those three beautiful children in your home by yourself with just your nanny. Hang in there. It can only go up from here. 💓💓💓💓💓💗💗💗💗💗💕💕💕💕

  72. Oh I feel you! My husband died unexpectedly last year and I have four kids ages 3-13. I’m just trying to survive quarantine. It’s not pretty here either. Homeschool, work, entertaining, breaking up fights, pulling kids off the roof of the car, off the roof of the house. We are a zoo.
    My bedroom door is now dented from me locking myself in there and my kids pounding on it from the outside.
    I write a daily summary of my crazy life every night on Instagram. I feel like I’m going insane.
    Each person has their own challenge during this time. So it’s not beneficial to compare, but it is nice not to feel alone.

  73. I just love you and your honesty – always! The mom guilt is on another level right now. Trying to balance it all is so hard. I drink a lot of wine. And cry…a lot. Each day is different. Hearing stories from other moms helps and your blog helps so much. You’re doing a great job for your three beautiful kiddos. Hang in there and cut yourself some slack. ❤️

  74. You are doing an amazing job but why can’t your ex come pick them up in a private jet and give you time to recharge ?
    It’s obvious he can afford to do that!!!
    Don’t be so hard on your self… you look amazing, your kids are beautiful and your doing the best you can.

  75. There’s no need to be critical of each other. This is hard for all of us in different ways. We all have separate lives and experiences but we should ALL be supporting and lifting each other up any and every chance we get. Honesty allows others to be consoled by our common feelings. Be Kind to each other. We should be in this together.

  76. Every time I see your posts I feel
    For you having watched you since day one on Bravo. I raised three and worked full time and they were far apart in age but we were outnumbered !! Can your Mom come or is it too dangerous for her to travel . How about your ex , can he charter a plane and take them for a while in your house and you go someWhere else ? Those are both ridiculous ideas I am sure. This is such a new and weird time. Most all special needs children regress at times, my experience as a speech therapist, mom and social worker:) it will all be ok , take care of yourself however you can . A walk instead of a run !

  77. You are awesome! And just trying to do the best you can just like everyone else! Nothing else to say! Keep plugging away.

  78. I’m a mom of 13 month old twins. This age is hard. Twins are ridiculously hard. And I don’t have a another kid! You are doing great. Thanks for the honest post. It’s not easy being a parent, especially right now. Love to you and your kiddos. You got this!

  79. I won’t judge you and I don’t understand why people take the time and energy to do so. It seems unnecessarily cruel from where I’m sitting.

    However, I did want to take some time to offer a bit of advice and insight because as much as it may not be fair for people to judge others, it does seem like you spend a lot of time worrying about what people think. I lost count how many times you stopped in your blog to goat people into judging you and it to be honest, it made me sad. Constantly worrying about what other people will say has got to be a giant weight on your shoulders causing added stress and worry that frankly, it doesn’t sound like you have the time for right now.

    It’s going to be tough for someone with live-in help and a substantial amount of financial resources to gain a lot of sympathy right now. Is that fair to you, no? Everyone’s difficulties are relative, but mothers all over the planet are struggling right now, some in ways you and I can’t even imagine, so reading that you had to give up a bedroom for your live in nanny isn’t going to pull at the heart strings of a lot of people at the current moment.

    And you know what, that’s ok. It doesn’t have to, but it sounds like you want it to and that desire is probably hurting you more than you realize. My advice, at least for the short term, would be to take your whole beautiful and messy motherhood life off social media indefinitely. When you need to vent or have these difficult brain dumps, put it in a journal or relay it to a friend who won’t pick it apart and scrutinize. And hell, those journal entries could turn into an amazing memoir one day when you’ve come out on the other side.

    Of course, you have every right to continue on as you have been. I’m just a person on the internet with one opinion, but I will say if I were going through what I am right now (full time working mother with a 2yr old at home) and had to deal with every one of my actions being judged by the public because I was putting them all out there on a silver platter for the public to see and pick apart, yeah, I’d be a wreck.

    So take this with a grain of salt and do what’s best for you. Only you know that and I really do wish you and your kids the very best. It’s clear you’re an extremely loving and thoughtful mother who wants nothing, but the best for them. Maybe it’s time to think about what’s best for you too.

  80. I adore you, I can relate to you so much when my kids were little. I am a grandmother who is helping my son raise my 2 grandaughter’s who are both 5 years old, not twins but Irish twins born 10 months apart. My 1st grandaughter was born early weighing 2.5 lbs but is perfect now no delays or complications. The 73 day hospital stay was so stressful but, once we were home safe and moving on with a perfect granddaughter my son announces they are expecting again. Blew my mind thinking oh my god what if we have another premie, what if its worse. I didnt regret her just scared as heck, the expense, daily trips to Nicu etc. weighed in the back of my mind. My son with no job and no income I had to help, because no one else was helping. My husband and I have been fortunate enough to do so. Long story short we couldnt live without having another beautiful grandaughter, I needed her just as much as her big sister needed her. My son got a good job worked alot but 4 years later his girlfriend got bored and overwhelmed and decided she wanted to be single and not have as much responsibility, she started partying like a rock star and took a turn towards heroin. Most devastating nightmare a grandmother could ever face. She was a perfect mom for 4 years then boom my son took her to court got physical custody with my help pro se successfully due to unacceptable behaviors of drinking and drug use. Heroin and partying led her to huge mistakes and facing 3 to 5 years in prison. Then boom quarantine and helping my son raise his little girls Athena & Eliana. I work day shift my son works night shift.

    The girls call me granny, they are bold, bossy, stubborn, act like they are grown and ask for the credit card regularly to buy games and toys. I’m 49 helping raise 2 little girls who ask me often are you our mommy now, where is mommy, can you be our mommy till mommy gets better. We tell the girls mommy is in a place to get help and needs to get better. We dont tell them she got hooked on heroin and decided to rob a gas station for cigs and gas. I tell them I’m “grand” mommy! Short for Grammy, but they just call me granny. Every once in a while they call me mommy when we cuddle and I tell them you have a mommy but I will take care of you like a mommy but it will be grander. There are days I believe im going to fall out, I’m completely exhausted but i push through because they need me, but honestly I need them more than they need me. Thank god they have each other to play, fight and everything else 2 little 5 yr old need from one another. On good days when they play nicely together it is heaven, I can catch a Netflix or Hulu movie or clean with no interruption. Bad days well there are alot, screaming, fighting, the noise level is beyond decibels, the neighbors probably think someone is being murdered. A bug, a bump whatever happens outside leads to screaming everytime. Thank god we have a huge privacy fenced in back yard, trampoline, and jungle gym, ride on car for 2, etc. I am blessed. Without a yard i do believe I’d go nuts, and for the Elsa dress and a bicycle well, granny gave in to the and it was a catastrophe lol… Heres the kicker Dress got stuck, granny saved Eliana and her Elsa dress from the jaws of the hungry bike rim but didnt survive the reason why we cant do that again, meltdown mayhem granny had to discipline. Grannys are not suppose to have to do that. One time it was quite to long, I was worried then here they both come with (we counted) 86 dandelions. That is what keeps you sain at times.
    E-Learning with Athena well dont tell on us but…Athena refuses and after working all day the last thing I want to do is come home and do 2 hours of kindergarten E-learning while fighting with a 5 yr old who thinks she is grown. So I turn the E-Learning on and just do it with or without her. Shhhh…the trick is dont do the tests quickly or they know, seriously.
    Would I change anything? yes, I would go back to when getting the girls up and off to school and daycare and getting them tucked in at night for an early bedtime by 8 before COVID-19 did I say yes, I meant HELL YES! COVID-19 sucks. Bless you and your family! Sorry for babbling, I have free time and having my morning coffee. The girls are with dada and I’m bored (a little) without there demand and can write to your blog. 😉

  81. This is all the stressful part of motherhood, and it’s ALL OKAY!
    It’s okay to be messy, it’s okay to be stressed, it’s okay to be neurotic, and it’s even okay to flip the the fuck out once in awhile! At the end of the day, it will all work out, so please don’t feel guilty or down on yourself about anything. No one is perfect, despite this Insta Perfect Life they try to portray.
    Sending nothing but Love 💕

  82. Your amazing and your doing the best you can. Keep your head up and that glass of wine in hand. We all will get thru this! 💕

  83. I remember when you first shared that you were pregnant with twins when Aspen was a tiny lil babe… my first reaction was “yeah, so happy for you”, because all of your infertility issues. Then in the next second I was …. whoa, how far apart are the babies going to be? Eeekkk, I could have never handled three babes that close together.
    Even tho I’m just a “follower “ and not family or a friend, I am super proud of you Meghan. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman and should be beyond proud of yourself! No judgment from this ole lady, only support. I’m watching my single mom “daughter in law” absolutely kill it during this time. I am so impressed with all the working, teaching Mommas out there right now. Y’all are amazing! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the honesty, hopefully you reach some of the “pretenders “ out there in virtual land. Okay, enough cause now I sound like a stalker, ha… not, just a “fan” of yours since day one on RH.

  84. Girl…. I get you more than you know! I was a single mom for 16 years. It’s not only hard it is exhausting! But somehow we manage to keep pushing along right? You are strong, brave and a very loving and involved mom. I know I personally don’t know you but these are all things I see in you! Stay strong! You got this! Trust me, it till get easier! I promise ❤️💙

  85. You seem like such a good momma. You care and are doing your best like all of us.

    I am never one to give advice or thoughts because truthfully I am a mom just trying to figure out life too. With HART have you heard of ABA? Truthfully it would not be covered under insurance so it would be out of pocket BUT if you ever have question I would be more than happy to talk with you. I own an aba company up north ( so obviously not trying to get you as MY client haha) but it is truly amazing. Just something for you to look into. Again, not sure with his diagnosis etc but wanted to throw it out. Good job momma!!!!

  86. Being a single mom through quarantine has been an incredibly huge challenge physically, mentally and mostly emotionally! Go for that run, crank up that music and enjoy that glass of wine! And don’t feel bad about any of it. Your doing an amazing job in these very difficult times. Embrace it and do what you can, what ever that is. Keep smiling 💕

  87. Great fantastic writing Megan. You are wise beyond your years. One day at a time friend. You’ve got this!!! I have faith in you and I know you do as well. Sending Love Light kindness and a huge pat on the back from Monterey CAli. ❤️❤️

  88. Meghan…I liked you on the RHOC when you spoke up and had your own voice, even while in the lions den that is OC “housewives”….no shame in your game. As mothers, we do the best that we can and unfortunately all of the good stuff goes out the window and many times all we remember are all the ways we failed. You are doing your best. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Take care ❤️

  89. It’s real life you are sharing. Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You are doing and amazing job and when things get tough just take a step back look at there smiles and there love for you and your love for them!!

  90. You’re doing great! Hang in there.
    I’m having a hard time. My 2 1/2yr old daughter is a handful. I just got out of hospital last week with appendicitis. Pray for me! Xxxx

  91. You truly inspire me! Thank you for keeping it real and my momma hugs and support are sent your way! Your a rockstar in my eyes!

  92. I think you write these pathetic blogs for attention. Ignoring your screaming children, really Meghan, how can you do that! At this point I really shouldn’t ask that question when it comes to you sadly. I don’t think you really like your children. They are props for attention, especially Hart. You love to pontificate how hard life is with all of them. Poor Meghan her life is so hard. Everyone will tell her what a great mother she is in an effort to cheer her up even though she is responsible for all her misery. That’s right Meghan every choice you made has resulted in your unhappiness. You gave Jimmy an ultimatum children or you’re out. You got your kids and not only did they not make you happy you lost your husband and you take out your unhappiness on your children especially Aspen. You complain your current LA rental doesn’t have a yard well why did you pick that place? There are plenty of homes to pick from that have yards and more rooms so that you don’t have to sleep with your three year old but that would leave you with less to complain about and we can’t have that now can we? If you want to live a happier life only you can change that script. I don’t think you want to though. I think you like being a victim. I think you like writing these vlogs talking about how hard your life is so a bunch of strangers will pity you and write comments telling you how great you are so temporarily you will feel better about yourself. I feel sorry for your children. They are going to grow up in a very dysfunctional house and be so confused by their depressed mother who has a love-hate relationship with them. They will have major abandonment issues thanks to you with their father that will create a new set of problems to come in the future. And to think all of this could have been prevented if you hadn’t given that one ultimatum.

  93. I know it’s hard being the single mom of 3. I did it with 3 boys for 12 years starting when they were 9, 2 1/2 and a newborn. And I was married but he was only home on weekends. As one of my friends put it, I was basically single but couldn’t date. There was a lot of joy and love but also a lot of frustration and tears. My marriage did not survive but I finally did.,And so did my boys. They are adults now and I have 2 grandchildren. All of them live out of state but we talk and video chat a lot. Believe in yourself, have a lot of faith and spend time in meditation or prayer. Be amazed at how strong you can be.

  94. No judgment here….we all do the best we can to survive each day. I won’t sugar coat anything and say tomorrow will be better. It might be, or it might not. My kids are older but we still have rough days, really rough days. If you did your best today and it was still a disaster count it as a WIN. If they are clothed, fed and had few moments of happiness, you WON!

  95. Thank you for your honesty. All 3 of my kids slept with me until they were 3. They are all now adults to teenagers and still find my bed as a place of refuge and a safe space. Keep doing you. Your kids will love and appreciate the sacrifices you are making for them. praying for peace, strength & love.

  96. I think the last thing everyone wants to hear is some affluent people cry about how hard quarantine is. You have it better than most, so please quit bitching.

  97. For some reason I wanted to not like this post. I was already prejudging you from Housewives. The last thing I wanted to read about was some filthy rich woman complaining about “hardships” …. thankfully I didn’t. Your authenticity, vulnerability and openness was really touching. We’re all stressed moms at the end of the day. Your zip code doesn’t negate your fears, anxiety and struggles. Thanks for sharing your truth.

  98. So honestly and actually quite beautifully written. I’ve followed you from when you were on house wives and if you could handle them you can handle anything ❤️
    Your writing is so valid raw and remarkably on point.
    Today is hard, but Today matters the most☀️

  99. One 23 month old is hard, two is twice as hard, I cant even fathom how much harder with a disability. Throw in the third and attempting to work is damn near impossible. Your job is to get them through it. Success is a day when they are all fed, sheltered, hugged, cleanish, can access toys and have a place to sleep. You are crushing it. Do you remember that age? Nope. So just keep treading water. It feels stagnant but you are actually working hard to keep them all afloat. By 5 there will be a big change but you just have to get there. Be easy on yourself and keep up the good work.

  100. I have a 4 year old with spastic hemiplegia, affecting his left side. He was in the middle of serial casting when our mandates kicked in. We had to cut his cast off him at home and his foot is not in the right position. He has regressed so much in his physical abilities that it almost breaks me everyday. I try to do PT through telehealth, but I’m not a physical therapist and we both end up in tears, every single time. You are not alone in the guilt of watching your child go through this. You’re an amazing mother and thank you for sharing your struggles. It definitely helped me to know, we’re all going through this bullshit and dealing with it the best we can.

  101. Meghan, thanks for being real. While all of us have different circumstances, it helps to know that navigating a new reality is just plain hard for most people. Don’t forget to give yourself grace. I wish I could chime in and say “This too shall pass,” but I think reality on the other side will look different for a long time. You will undoubtedly forge ahead one step at a time figuring out what that means for you and your family. Wishing you the best to get through each moment as you build your tomorrows.

  102. Meghan, I applaud your honesty. I guarantee there are more people who feel like you than not. Motherhood is exhausting. Its such a rewarding time and also the hardest time, especially with 3 little ones. As a mom, the best thing you can do for your children is to take care of your needs so you can better care for their needs. I remember feeling so guilty for so many years and feeling like a terrible mother for having these thoughts like you. All of the other moms I knew seemed stop perfect, and I of course compared myself to them and felt less than. I soon began to realize I was normal and these mothers struggled as well, they just weren’t willing to open about it and wanted to present a “perfect” world. That doesn’t exist. You are a wonderful loving mother, who is human and imperfect, and doing the best you can and experiencing “normal” feelings and thoughts. Give yourself some slack. You got this! One day you will have great stories to laugh at and share with your kids!

  103. Meghan- you are a wonderful mom doing a great job during this pandemic. Keep your head up. You have a lot on your plate and it’s hard as it as you do need to take time for yourself. You’ve got this! You have an unbelievable workload on your shoulders and you are doing your best. Once this is all over I truly believe that Hart will start progressing again.
    I can only understand a small amount of what you’re going through. I have a toddler and I’ve been working from home. It’s definitely been one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done. I feel like a failure when I’m not spending a lot of time with her. But I also have to balance my workload.
    Sending you hugs from STL!

  104. I’m going through a “quarantine” divorce with a 12 year old daughter. I’m cheering you on from Dallas! One day, we will look back in awe that we made it through this crazy and terrifying time. Fast forward, how the heck does a single mom date again with a deadly virus out there?!

  105. Hang in there, Meghan. I can feel your many emotions in your words. Just remember that you’re here to tell about it…in other words you’ve made it this far, still standing, kids still alive and well. You’re doing it, Mama. It sucks, but you’re doing it. Xo

  106. Try being a mom of three and working front line in a hospital watching people die of Covid. You need to look outside of your own privileged world.

  107. I am a mom of 3 little ones under the age of 10. I have to leave my babies every day to work in a hospital ER with people dying of Covid. I just returned from a 12 hour shift after missing my kids all day. Count your blessings and gain some perspective.

  108. You should really research narcissistic personality disorder when dealing with your future ex. It would definitely help you understand what’s going on with him and how to handle it on your end and distance yourself from the abuse and chaos. Please check into it.

  109. Megan, have you heard of The NAPA Center? They do pediatric therapy intensives for kids like your son. They are actually open for local families. Wanted to make sure you new about this resource. Fee free to email me if you need/want more info. I have a three year old who goes. He lives it!

    https://napacenter.org/

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