Balancing Life: Thoughts From A Modern Woman

Balance?

The never-failing question that comes up every time women get together.  Historically, women were the ones who did the laundry, raised the kids, cooked the meals, and kept the home spic-n-span while wearing a perfectly pressed dress with fresh lipstick and an enviable coiffure.

But today’s woman also works, sits on boards, has a social life, needs to nurture her romantic life, and participates in a multitude of fitness classes and other hobbies.  So how do we do it?  Where’s the balance?

Ok, we take a deep breath and assess: well, we send the kids to daycare (or hire a nanny or enlist a generous relative) to watch our kiddos while we work.  But the house doesn’t clean itself so we keep up with it as much as we can and maybe, if we’re lucky, hire a cleaning service on special occasions.  And for the girls’ nights we hire a sitter or have our partner stay home with the kids.  Our clothes might not be perfectly pressed and our makeup might not always be perfect so we do it when it matters most, or maybe it doesn’t even matter at all.  But you know what, we’re still exhausted, we’re still not doing everything we want, and we feel like we’re failing at everything so we talk about it: “How do you find balance?”

I don’t.  And you don’t either.

We sacrifice a little bit to do it all.  We are well-rounded, modern women who carry the burden of the expectations of the “housewife of old” while trying our best to even the pay gap.  We are a generation stuck between this massive cultural gender shift.

We automatically prioritize our activities based on our values – but this doesn’t mean we find balance, it means we decide where to cut corners.  So we dig deeper into our heads and we find some grace to give ourselves: we forgive ourselves for cutting corners, we understand the worth of self-love and our mental health, and we savor and lean into the moments that make up our lives.

OR…

…we externalize our anxiety.  We run on fumes, beat ourselves up over the relentless  “mom-guilt,” forget how to prioritize and feel like we’re always one step behind.

But ladies, we all do all of this.  And that’s ok… sometimes.  We have to make the choice not to dwell in the self-pity of the anxiety that comes from the realization that balance isn’t possible but to celebrate the beauty of the dynamic women that we and lean into the solidarity that we ALL feel this way.

I might be a single-mom who’s dating long-distance, going through a divorce, navigating the media, and trying to work (and work-out!) and you might be a married woman without children who’s slammed with Zoom calls all day – but we aren’t that different.

My advice is to remember everything is relative – meaning we should never compare our situation as “harder” or “easier” than anyone else’s because you know what, she can’t balance it either.  We do our best every day and go to sleep reminding ourselves that tomorrow is a new day and we get another chance to try it again.

This is all I have to say on balancing/juggling life (from my humble) perspective.  Did it sound a little bit preachy or haughty?  I’m in no way licensed to write on any of this, I’m just another person you pass in the grocery store – I’m a random person to you.  But I do know that there’s no right answer and I do know that judgment is a toxic emotion that we don’t have room for in our lives.  Just know you’re not alone.

And keep juggling!

20 Comments
  1. I’d still ask for a picture with you even in a grocery store!!! So great to see focusing on your life and being happy. Even if you’re tired you’re still glowing and seem carefree.

  2. Love this, exactly how I think all of us women feel. Thank you for putting this into words. By the way, I passed you and Christian in the MSP airport yesterday and you were glowing! I was just heading back home to Wisconsin

  3. The last of words towards the ending :judgement is a toxic judgement that we don’t have room for hit home to me. I’ve been divorce 2 years and it’s still nasty and no need for this! Your a strong was men and I love watching, reading and following you. Thank you for putting all your personal and business info out there! I am sure at times must be hard especially the personal. Your a hands on and an awesome mom!!!
    Take care.
    Monica

  4. Well said! That has got to be the best I’ve heard it said for mom’s and wives all around. It’s not about balance, but about one step at a time. The ever challenging ways we all grow as women and human beings being human. Thank you for sharing that!

  5. Amen! Thank you for this. It is nice to be reminded that we are not alone in this constant juggling act. I just hope one day our daughters (my future one) does not have to feel the same guilt or pressure.

  6. I have been meaning to sign up for your blog but just haven’t done it. I have read and read and read your stories and am 100% hooked. I have always enjoyed watching you on RHOC and keeping up with your life. You look so happy! Much love and yes, #keepjuggling

  7. Seriously? 😂 This is full of bullshit! A totally meaningless article! What was the point here??? “Ohh, ladies, let’s love each other, we’re in the same shoes…” 🤮 So fake!
    You know, there are so many women who can’t afford nanny or housekeeper, but sill have time for everything! You have absolutely no idea what means being a real woman, just how to ride one rich cock after another. 🤮🤮🤮

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