Welcome to… My New Normal.
6:30am The light on the Hatch Rest sound machine/alarm clock finally turns pink (Aspen’s color choice) which is Aspen’s cue she can get out of bed. (Aspen sleeps with me. Right. I allow it because, well, why not?) Aspen pops out of bed, grabs a new pair of underwear, goes potty on the toilet (she is now potty trained during overnights), unplugs her ipad in the kitchen and opens the fridge and grabs her chocolate milk I made last night – all of this WITHOUT ME every morning. Did you hear that? Three year olds are capable, people! Hallelujah!
7:15am The sound machine goes off so now it’s my turn to pop up, run the dog outside, and grab the twins. The twins have recently learned to jump out of their cribs and my former trick – a sleep sack – doesn’t deter their escapes. But they stay in their room and play with each other until either myself or our live-in-nanny (aka our Godsend) grab them.
8:00am I reheat my coffee for the 17th time and wonder how I’ve already changed two diapers, thwarted a combined 28 accidental suicide attempts by three toddlers, fed everyone breakfast (or did they just wear their breakfast? Or did they give it to the dog? Wait, did Aspen even eat? “Aspen I think that’s enough screen time!” I hypocritically holler as I check my Instagram again.)
8:30am Let’s take a shower! I can get clean and it’ll suck up at least 20 minutes of play time for the kids. Just please god don’t let them get tear-free soap or a miniscule flick of water in their eyes because we will be in Meltdown City. And please don’t poop in the shower (although it’s an easier cleanup than the tub).
9:00am I throw on some sweats, do some laundry, empty the dishwasher, halfway dress whichever kids are cooperating, and think about working out.
12:00pm I still haven’t worked out but you’d never know based on how worn out I look. It feels like happy hour but it’s really just naptime which is a very happy hour indeed! We’ve played outside, eaten lunch, and now it’s time for a siesta. But a curve ball is thrown: “You don’t want to nap, Aspen? Hm.” I was planning on writing a blog during naptime. Or putting on some makeup. Or taking the dog on a walk and actually working out. Plans foiled by Toddler A yet once again.
1:30pm “I hope the twins napped for a bit.” I ponder as I hand them whatever snack they are gunning for at the moment and wonder how such little people can manage to eat through our rations in an eerily similar way to Eric Carle’s caterpillar. Like the caterpillar, they seem to understand that we are going through a metamorphosis. “Wow, that’s deep.” I consider as I mindlessly eat another pop-tart I bought because it was still on the grocery store shelf and, you know, it’s an emergency ration for times like now duh…
2:00pm The kids want another “pop” – that’s what they call lollipops. I bought lollipops to reward Aspen during potty training which was accomplished months ago. Which reminds me, I was planning on potty training Hayes during the pandemic (Hart isn’t ready, plus two at once seems like a lot to take on so Hayes it is – at least in my mind – but that counts right?).
2:30pm I get a second wind and decide to take all the kids to the beach. My nanny and I take separate cars because we don’t want to transfer carseats around since we know we will only get about 30 minutes at the beach. Anyway, there will be PLENTY of parking. I don’t even make Aspen put her shoes on.
3:30pm Everyone at Hermosa Beach is social distancing – BRAVO! These beaches are huge and we have plenty of space to make sand angels, throw sand in mommy’s mouth, whine that there’s sand on our hands, and refuse to walk in the sand and throw a fit until mommy has to carry two toddlers. “But MOM!! I can’t carry this doll <she insisted upon bringing> because she’s sooooo heavy! Can you carry her?” Aspen pleads as my legs turn to jello from carrying 60lbs worth of humans through the sand. Aha! There’s that workout! Be careful what you wish for…
4:30pm Home for dinner and we eat mac n cheese for the 7th day in a row because that’s all they want. I serve it with sides of fresh fruits and veggies… but honestly it’s just to make me feel better because in all likelihood they won’t touch any of it. (What is it with toddlers and the huge shift in eating habits that occurs around age 2?!)
5:00pm Bath time to get all the little germs off (and quite possibly The Big Germ as well). Unlike the morning shower this one includes soap.
6:00pm Babies are clean, Goodnight Moon has been read, prayers have been said, and kisses have been given – everyone is down for the night (even Aspen!).
6:15pm “Mom! Can you scratch my back? Lay with me? Sleep with me? I’m hungry! I’m thirsty! I need to go potty! Where’s my Elsa doll? Can I wear a skirt to bed? I NEED to wear my skirt to bed!”
6:30pm BREATHE. Now I can write that blog! But first I need to eat, clean, finish folding those clothes, check my email… oh when did it turn 10:00? I’m tired. I never got to watch my show or read my book or take a bath. I’ll do it tomorrow…