After experiencing the most spiritually awakening and difficult task I’ve ever completed in my life, I knew natural labor was a special gift I’d been given to help me grow within myself.
Before labor with Aspen I read two books: one on The Bradley Method and Ina May Gaskin’s Guide To Childbirth. The Bradley Method taught me to flow with my body and work through the pain, to relax during contractions (good luck with that) and breathe through each one (this saved me). Ina May taught me to visualize my body doing incredible things: my cervix opening wide enough for a baby without tearing, to embrace each pain as progress and to remember that women have done this drug-free for thousands of years.
Going into Aspen’s labor I knew she was “sunny-side-up” which means her back was against my back and is known to induce massive back labor pains. But at the same time I hadn’t experienced labor before so I figured it would be all I know. My back labor felt like a combination of all my bones being slowly crushed while burning alive, it was horrific pain. It felt wrong, like something was “off”, but guess what- I did it! After 30 hours of natural labor, I had a baby. But if felt like less time to me. Maybe because my hormones kicked into overdrive and sped time up for me? Maybe because I entered what felt like a state of altered existence to cope with the pain? I don’t know, but it felt like a lot less time – perhaps around 8 hours.
I ended up pulling Aspen out of me and right away I noticed she was looking at my left thigh, this is the wrong way! No wonder it hurt so terribly.
Now here I am again! As I type this I’m going in and out of contractions and I can tell labor will be coming soon. Except now I know what to expect and contrary to what many may think, I’m thrilled! (It helps that I can tell that my twin A – closest to the exit – has maneuvered out of his previous sunny-side-up position and is looking at my back. How can I tell? I can feel it! I know what back labor feels like, I had those excruciating contractions a few weeks ago and I knew he was in the wrong position. But now I can tell he moved. I know my body so well now!) I love knowing my body can handle childbirth, it’s such a beautiful gift to experience a vaginal delivery drug-free. It’s not scary, it’s exhilarating! It’s badass! It’s spiritual! It hurts like hell but I can handle it! And I’m looking forward to each mind-blowing contraction because out comes two babies at the end. I do hope it’s quick and relatively easy but if not, I can handle that because I have before.
I’ve prepped my body by treating it like a temple through nourishment, I’ve prepped my mind by breathing and meditating, I’ve prepped my spirit by praying: I’ve got this. Let’s do it.
And if you have a spare second send a well-wish off into the universe to bless me with an even stronger body, mind and spirit than I already know I have (and I know you have too, just tap into it!).